Weekend From Hell

Oy.  Where to begin my recounting of the horrors of this past weekend?  I guess it all started Thursday afternoon with the ominous phone call from daycare.  "Mrs. Robinson, Ava has a fever." Crap!  And to top it off, the gal on the other end of the phone adds, "And her breath smells like that stale strep smell." Double crap!  After a hurried exit from work to make an even more hurried trip to the baby-vet (or as more civilized people refer to them, the pediatrician), the daycare's suspicions were indeed confirmed.  Here we go.  

Since I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided to double back to the daycare and collect Pee Wee before heading home as opposed to making Jody collect her.  We had already decided that it was Jody's turn to stay at home and pull sick kid duty, so I was trying to do everything I could to make his life easier for granting me the concession of not having to do said sick duty myself.  After depositing Pork Chop at home, I took Taylor with me to the pharmacy to get Ava's prescription.  After 15 minutes of waiting fruitlessly in the drive thru behind someone who was apparently dumbfounded as to how the whole drop and go system works, I did what every parent dreads.  We parked out front and went inside.  Sigh.  Now that we were going to be seen in public, Taylor's wollered out pigtails were not going to suffice.  Time to regroup.  While we were standing in line, I tried to fix the first one.  Shit, the rubber band popped in half in my hand.  So, I rummaged thru my purse and managed to find a tiny clippy.  In our pinch, it would work to hold a Princess Leah style doo-doo knot.  Whatever, at least it looked sort of intentional.  Proceed to the next side with extreme caution (God forbid that rubber band pop too, I only had one clippy!), and work it up into a sort of half-assed match to the turd roll on the left side.  Once the prescription was in hand, Taylor managed a fine fit of a temper-tantrum.  You know, the ones where you're certain onlookers will think you're kidnapping your own child as you haul them out of the store?  Enter the bribe, "Taylor, get in the car right now and we'll go get french fries."  I've learned that because of the stigma attached to public spanking, sometimes a bribe will get you out of hot water, and get your kid into the carseat.  

After our stop, Taylor is feeling of the weird bun I made with the clippy and proclaims, "Mommy!  I'm a poo-poo!"  I've never heard a truer statement in my life.  

The doo-doo roll on the left (her left, right side of the picture) was the only one to survive the trip.

Thinking the worst was behind me, we lumbered home.  About two miles from the sanctity of my house, I hear, "Uh-oh.  Mama, I spilled it."  At this point, I turn and see the red stripe of Kool-Aid all over her arm (Kudos to my kid though, she had sense enough to ensure her own needs were good, and held the french fries away from the line of fire.), then I noticed the small chunks in said Kool Aid.  "Taylor, did you spill your cup, or did that come out of your tummy?"  Ask, and you shall receive.  Before she could even respond, out came everything that kid digested for the entirety of the afternoon.  Triple crap!  Floundering, I looked for the only napkins in my van, the two that were included with our fry order from Mc Donalds.  Thanks Ronald.  

The only place I could easily whip into happened to be a car lot.  As soon as I come screeching in and slam it in park, some poor hapless salesman starts wandering up with a smile.  Mama Honey Badger doesn't give a shit, and instead hops out with my two freaking napkins, to at least mop the snot and puke from Taylor's face.  As he continues up, I give him the death glare, chuck the napkins on his pavement and slam my van door.  Thankfully, salesman has a little bit of self-preservation, and turns immediately on his heel and hauls ass the other way.

We got home, where I managed to strip the poor kid in the driveway, and get her immediately into the waiting bathtub.  Jody was waiting with the garden hose for the carseat (Don't think it didn't cross my mind just to hose her off too.  But she was already so traumatized by the act of puking, I didn't want to screw her up mentally forever.).  God bless my child, as I'm scrubbing the Kool-Aid/fruit snack/french fry casserole from her, she starts crying because she wants to eat her rescued fries.  How do you say no to that?

Long story short, Taylor wound up swabbing negative for strep the next day, although she got antibiotics for it on a precautionary level anyhow.  Instead of the manageable strep I'd hoped for on her part, she managed to acquire one of those lovely 24 hour puke-a-thon stomach bugs that are always making the rounds.  She and I wound up being up all night long, with her little head in a trash can every 15 minutes, and me bleaching and Lysol-ing everything in sight in-between.    

Needless to say, my zombie-ass did not make it to work on Friday either.  Fortunately, after about 24 hours of quarantine from each other, and a lot of Lysol, both kids are doing much better.  Jody and I survived (barely), but are eagerly awaiting this Friday when the girls go stay with their Grammy and Grandpa so we can recoup.

The Power of Suggestion

Tonight after "night-night time" Taylor made one of her usual voyages back into the world.  This time however, it wasn't to pee or for one last drink of water, or to check on Cleo.  Tonight, she comes to me with a sad face and says, "Mama, I don't feel good."  For most parents, this would raise the alarm flag, and an all night vigil would ensue to make sure the sick kiddo was in the least amount of discomfort imaginable.  However, I'm not new to this particular game.  I've figured out in the last few months that Taylor finds the flavor of childrens' Allegra to be quite delectable (not unlike her Aunt Cella and Dimetapp years ago).  Considering that we had a very rough go at getting her little butt in bed last night, I acquiesced, and gave her a dose of the grapey goodness.  The only thing was, that I told her first, "Now, you know, this medicine is going to make you very sleepy.  So you need to stay in bed where you will sleep for a very long time."  After my warning I asked her, "So, what will this medicine do to you?"  Taylor's response, "It make me take a big nap!"  Good girl.  Mind you, I know that Allegra has absolutely no sedative response to it whatsoever, but I thought I'd take a shot in the dark and see if the power of suggestion would work on someone at such a young age.  And to my credit:

Yeah, yeah.  This picture was taken a year ago, when Taylor still wore pullups and was peeping over her shoulder because I stormed in like a gorilla to take a picture.  Anyhoo, imagine this sight, but without the diaper or partially opened eyes.  Kid zonked out within less than 30 minutes.  Hooray for placebo!!!!!

Hooligans

Many have expressed concerns that Ava will not be able to hold her own against the hurricane that is her sister.  Taylor is indeed a rough and tumble bull in a China closet, but fear not my friends, Ava has proven this weekend that she can certainly hang with her big sis.

Case in point, the rowdy gallery from the couch.  The only thing egging them on was the other's excitement.

I also learned this weekend that Ava is just as much of a wrestler as Taylor, if not more so.  She has a sneakiness to her that is attributed mainly to her age disadvantage.  I am constantly stopping Taylor, telling her to settle down, because her sister is still "little."  Who in the hell am I kidding, there's less than 10 lbs. difference between them, and the only real size difference is that Ava's legs are shorter.  Ms. Thang more than held her own, and never let out so much as a whimper until Taylor shoved her head into the side of the computer desk (Yes, I'm a good parent and let that happen on my watch.  Please don't call CPS.)

Don't be fooled, this one is just as much of an instigator as her big sister.  And yes, she totally has a handful of Taylor's hair in this pic.

I also learned that laying down on the floor is a dangerous undertaking if these two are both awake.  I merely wanted to be lazy and relax on the carpet while they took on the task of totally destroying Taylor's room.  Instead I found myself on the bottom of a Pork Chop/Munkie dogpile, all the while fending off eye-gouges and head butts.

This was later on in the living room.  The camera happened to be in arm's reach.

Poor Jody worked all weekend, so he wasn't here to witness my new discovery.  As soon as he got home, I told him to lay down in the floor.  When he asked why, I told him, "Just wait.  You'll see."  Less than 30 seconds later:

Attack!!!!!!!

Unfortunately for the girls, he's just as big a kid as they are and isn't afraid to fight back.

But alas, he's a slow learner.  This happened about 2 hours later while he was trying to lounge on the bed:

Oy vey.  I have a feeling it's going to be a while before order is restored to our home.

Probably a long, LONG while.

Dueling Birthdays

For those of you that don't know, our girls' birthdays are exactly two years and two days apart.  I knew last year that birthday celebrations were going to be an undertaking from here on out, but I had no idea how much of an undertaking we were truly in for.  For starters, we kicked off Friday by taking Taylor to Wonderland.  Since this is the first year that she was old enough to truly understand the significance of a birthday, we wanted to make it special, and have some one on one time just the three of us.  

For starters, don't take your kids to an amusement park at 5:00 pm in early July.  Terrible idea number one.  Terrible idea number two was that I didn't slather us all up in sunscreen before making an outing in ninety-five degree weather during afternoon sun.  Fortunately, Taylor had a blast on the water rides, and despite our extreme caucasian-ness, we all escaped relatively unscathed.  

I was afraid this would scare the pants off of her, but after a go-round on the Scrambler, this was a breeze!

Taylor and her hero on the Ferris Wheel.  She enjoyed this one waaaay more than I did.

Hallelujah for water rides.  Who cares if you look like a drowned rat, or what nastiness is contained in that lovely blue water.

These damn boats were the bain of my existence.

Saturday was the apex of birthday weekend, as we had our first annual Robinson Dual-Birthday Extravaganza.  Because I'm a responsible parent (and a cheap one too), we decided to forego any place that was air conditioned, and utilize our local park for this year's festivities.  I thought I had planned ahead enough by doing the party at 10:00 that morning, but the weather decided not to cooperate.  Instead of a tolerable morning, we reached the heat of the day as soon as we were getting set up.  Oh yeah, and there was no breeze whatsoever.  After about ten minutes of roasting in the sun, Jody and Dan saved the day by retrieving our patio set from home so that we could relocate to the park's gazebo.  I'll echo everyone else's thoughts again and ask, who in the hell puts a gazebo in a park with no tables under it?  

Sisters! Oh, and uncle Jered too.  I'm not going to tell you the trauma that was trying to find them matching outfits.  Luckily I've had some therapy and am mostly over it now.

The cake, courtesy of the hospital bakery.  No, I'm not even making that up, and it was delicious!

Stupid candles wouldn't stay lit, so we faked the critical moment.

Checking out the new loot.

It's always the smallest gifts that make the biggest impression.

Birthday weekend wrapped up with Ava's birthday today.  Since everyone (myself included) was still super tired and crabby from the heat and festivities of yesterday, we kept it low key, and indoors.  Last year, due to lack of inspiration on our parts, Jody and I let Taylor wander around Toys R Us and pick out her own birthday gift.  Since it worked out so well, we decided to do it again this year.  After an hour of shopping, this is what my daughter came up with:

A "purse," a broken wind up turtle, some floaty frogs, and a stuffed alligator.  I was a little disheartened that she didn't pick out anything particularly big or awesome, but nonetheless it has been a huge hit.  She's lugged that "purse" around all afternoon, fully stocked with her newfound treasures.

I'd also been debating on getting the girls' ears pierced for their birthday.  Taylor has been obsessing over earrings for about a month now, and my sister-in-law mentioned that would be a good birthday present.  And hell, since I'm cleaning one set of ears three times a day, why not clean two?  So, we got all fancied up (because I knew it would be a Kodak moment afterward) and headed off to the mall.  Upon arrival, Ava had already ripped her bow and ponytail out, and was in full-on Bill Murray impression.  Great.  My kid looks majorly homeless in a public place.  Both kids did well, and only cried for about a minute afterward.  God bless the mall ladies for stocking suckers.

The spoils of having a mini staple gun shoot jewelry through your head.

The promise of Happy Meals afterward certainly didn't hurt either.

She thinks she is SO fancy now.  

So, anyhoo, we survived.  And once again, I'm going to promise myself that next year, I'll suck it up and rent out some money-trap that at least has air conditioning.  Or a place that at least serves alcohol, lol!

They Grow Up SO Fast

Nothing in the world can prepare you for the inevitable facing of your own mortality like raising a child.  Add another one in, and you feel so old, so soon.  It's just a daily slap in the face how big our girls are growing.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade one second of their new experiences for anything else in the world.  However, it's a little heartbreaking to see it all unfolding at the same time.  

For example, today I was sorting through the daycare fodder (usually coloring sheets and whatnot) after I got home, and found this:

Holy Moses.

I have never seen this kid draw anything more recognizable than a circle, and here she is busting out letters, and rather impressively I must add.  It truly makes my heart overflow, and ache at the same time.  This is the first milestone that I wasn't prepared for, nor did I assist in it in any way.  Aside from basic life functions, this is the first time Taylor has done something that is solely for her self betterment.  Don't get me wrong, pooping in the toilet is huge, but still pales in comparison to the fact that soon my baby will be reading and writing.  Maybe I'll even let her try her hand at blogging ;)

And our little Ava is slowly starting the walking process.  She is a force to be reckoned with behind a stroller.  After one day, she even figured out how to turn it when she gets stuck.  I fully expect her to take off in earnest very soon.  Not to mention the fact that she's already quite the Chatty Cathy.  It's fun to see how different she is from Taylor (aka - not mute). 

Yes, it's sideways.  I suck at camera.

Anyhoo, more to come, we are now fully restocked on internets, and I really have had stuff to share, just lack of time :)