Paying For Your Raising

For those of you that are not members of my family, this post requires a bit of a back story.  When I was little, my two older cousins, Ronnie and Billy would come to visit us out in Timbuktu from time to time.  My mom would always issue a warning, "Be careful!  Those boys play rough, and I don't want you getting hurt!  Just try and stay out of their rough housing."  Now, if you are a member of my family (especially one of the grand-kids like me), Ronnie and Billy were their own legends in the making.  The boys were rough and tumble as kids, and as we grew up, they were the big brothers Marcella and I never had.  They were the first ones to kick our asses (Even if no real reason was given.  I recall Billy scaring the crap out of me once by threatening to stick my head in the ceiling fan.), but they were also the first ones to be our champions if ever the going got tough.  Bottom line is, they were rowdy, but sweet kids.  

Fast forward 15 years to my life now.  My step-brother Jered has always maintained that Taylor will have no trouble with the boys in her teen years, because she's got the linebacker "I'll kick your ass" mentality.  He's actually holding out hope that she will come to her cousin Kadey's aid if ever it's needed.  I bought into this until the last week or two.   Suddenly, my little linebacker has been bumped to second string.  There's yet another reason that Ava has earned the title "Beaster."

Sure, they play great together, and there's some of that sisterly love everyone keeps talking about amongst siblings.  But last week, Taylor did a simple turdly act toward her sister (stole her toy), and I had to pull a rabid Beaster away as she was holding Taylor by the hair and whacking her over the head with her fists.  I wish this was an isolated incident.  Suddenly, Ava has found her strong-arm, and she's damn sure not afraid to use it.  Don't get me wrong, she's still a sweet baby/kid, but she has the shit-head streak, and it runs strong.

Bwahahaha!  You can build a "hideout" all you want, and I will still destroy it and kick your ass!

Yeah, Taylor tried like hell to keep her out, but to no avail.  In between pictures I was playing bouncer trying to keep the hitting and crying to a minimum.

So, what in the hell does all of this have to do with my cousins that I mentioned earlier?  A ton.  I've told a lot of my relatives in recent months that somehow, I managed to give birth to Ronnie and Billy, only in female form.  They roll in, tumble around, and beat the crap out of anything in their paths.  Plus, we always joked that Billy's weight never changed from age 3 to 16, he just got taller.  I'm pretty sure that's going to be Ava too.  

See what I'm up against?

Victory is MINE!!!!

As Taylor rolls herself away......

At least I have a bit of insight as to the outcome of these two rowdy turds.  Their predecessors turned out to be kind, grown-up men, with only a slight flair for turd-like tendencies.....

Inappropriate Childrens' Language

Taylor has decided in the last two days to push every verbal boundary a three year old can push.  First she told me, "Don't talk to me!  I'm not talking to you, don't talk to me!"  Then she told Jody in the midst of wrestlemania, "I'm gonna kill you!"  And she didn't say it in a jovial, joking manner.  It was a little too serious for my taste.  Five minutes for being called out for that little outburst, I overheard her (as she was sitting on the toilet) saying, "This is stupid, I don't need this shit."  Wow.  So, the threats of washing out her mouth with soap have been made, along with the sit-down talk of why it's not acceptable for little girls to talk that way.  Along with that, Jody and I have made a whole hearted effort to really clean up our own speech, especially when we think little ears aren't listening, because apparently they're getting it from somewhere, and you all know I'm a bit fond of using colorful language now and then.

Fast forward to tonight.  After bath time, the usual wrestlemania with Jody begins.  Now, a little bit of backstory first.  Last week Jody introduced Taylor to the art of thumping.  Again, not something I was very happy about, but once I realized what was going on, the impression had been made.  So, every now and then, at random, Taylor will tell Jody, "I'm gonna SHOCK you!"  Somehow the word "thump" translated to "shock" in her little head, and there it has stayed.  Despite several attempts at correction on our part.  So tonight, she tells Jody she's gonna "shock" him again and made this hand gesture:

Umm, yeah.  For those of you not 100%, she was making "the shocker."

Here's an old acquaintance of ours making it more clearly:

For those not in the know, this is a horribly lewd hand gesture, on which I'm not going to educate you.  Feel free to look it up on Urban Dictionary if you're curious.

And again, with more ferocity, still claiming she's gonna "shock" Jody.......  Yeah.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year for my birthday, my beloved mother sent me a little stash o' cash with the explicit instructions, "Buy yourself a nice purse for god's sake."  I think she may have been a bit exasperated by my request to hit up Sam Moon on Black Friday (hey, it's decent enough for the price), coupled with my shitty Sam Moon wallet from two years ago that was being held together with Duck Tape.  

Now, some of you may remember my last nice purse, Sophia, that I carried religiously for years.  She was a rainbow Dooney and Bourke that I only discarded because frankly, I was tired of carrying around the same old bag (no offense Sophia) for so damn long.  But hey, if I'm going to spend the money on a damn purse, it's going to get used. 

So the years passed by, and despite my intent to get a new "nice purse" again, it just continually fell by the wayside as kids, bills, responsibility etc. mounted up.  So I've been lugging around the same shit-tastic Kohl's $10 special since Ava was born.  And I won't even mention my wallet......  But alas, it is a new year, and my beloved Mama decided it was time for me to upgrade :)  And thanks to my sister in law, I even got a new wallet for Christmas that's not held together with any sort of industrial strength adhesive.  

...And after days (which felt like years) of stalking the UPS tracking site, Sophia the Second finally arrived tonight!

Ta-da!  Ignore the bad lighting, I used my phone for the pic.  She is actually a bright mustard, and my walls are beige, promise.

Jody has already threatened me not to even attempt bringing her to bed with us tonight.  Fuddy-dud.  Seriously, I feel like a kid at Christmas, I just have that ecstatic giddyness that can only come from a fabulous handbag.  Again, Jody totally doesn't get it.  Maybe I need to remind him of the countless hours he spent in the garage after getting his new air compressor......