Crimmas 2011

We survived yet another Christmas as parents (Whew!), and I'm finally past my mental constipation. The outcome? Blogging diarrhea! Sorry for the crudeness, but that's just about how I feel right now. So, forgive the epically long post, but for the first time in weeks I finally feel like sharing.

This year we decided that we were going to do the Holiday Tour as follows: Christmas Eve - presents at home in the morning, followed by Christmas in White Deer. Christmas Day - Leave at the buttcrack of dawn and do Christmas in Gruver. December 26th - Burn the house down and start all over, because it was such a tornado-scene the thought of ever cleaning again caused me to hyperventilate.

Phase One - Christmas at Home

I had it all planned out, we were going to let the kids wake up on their own, and then walk into the surprise of presents under the tree. Mind you, we have had gifts stashed since Thanksgiving. But, since Taylor now knows that presents are for opening, we decided to keep them hidden until the big day. Then comes the monkey-wrench. Jody can never remember the plans I lay out, even though I remind him frequently. I know, I need to get him some Ginkoba for his birthday. So, he schedules an appointment at 8:00 a.m. on Christmas Eve to get new tires. So, like any good mother, I adapt. We drag our asses out of bed at 7:00, and proceed to the living room. Taylor was not happy about being up and functional at such an early hour. So, it took some mega coaxing on our part, but we were finally able to lure her into the living room. And again, it took more coaxing to get her to open her presents (She kept tearfully saying, "Breffus!" for about 3-4 minutes before we could get her to even give half a rat's ass about the presents.). Then she finally realized the big Mahomba-Jamba. Her very own (to share with Ava of course) little princess table!

Still a little drowsy, but finally getting the fact that something big is going on.

It's highly likely that someone in this picture is exhausted and mildly hung-over. I keep telling Ava to go easy on the sauce.....

After the realization that Santa brings fun and awesomeness, Taylor finally started to rip at the wrapping paper. Her first gift?

Wait for it........

A BARBIE DOLL!!!!! About 2 seconds after this picture, we learned that Taylor has absolutely no interest in Barbies whatsoever. So much for me reliving my childhood through her.

Ava really got into the whole thing too. After studying Taylor's every move she was making spastic efforts to unwrap and eat every one of her presents :)

What? I totally wasn't eating this paper. Look the other way.......

Taylor and Daddy enjoying a nice picnic in the living room. She was very disappointed that he wouldn't sit in the tiny pink chair like her.

Phase Two - Christmas in White Deer

Early that afternoon, we loaded up and headed to my dad's for our annual "no way in hell am I eating turkey or ham again" dinner. In case that last sentence piqued your curiosity, we had ribs. And they were amazing. The evening went off without a hitch (as long as you don't count the raging bonfire in the living room that caused some major sweating from everyone). The kids all had a blast, and Dad and Taylor had entirely too much fun with her new Pingu doll.

As usual, Taylor finally crashes out just before we hit the WD city limits. For a kid with no nap, she fared rather well.

Uncle Jered was the life of the party. The girls all had a blast being "dropped" from mid-air. Ava was looking on eagerly, you could tell she can't wait to join in on that party.

"Uncle Jewed! Sit down! Taylor's turn!"

Two seconds prior to this, they were both sitting contentedly in the chair, a total Kodak moment. Good job getting the iron-grip, Kadey, otherwise T would have gotten away.

Gigi did a fantastic job wrapping the kids' presents. So fantastic in fact, that most of them required a knife-weilding adult to open.

God bless Aunt Lisa for keeping my Lil' Bit occupied as I made sure Taylor didn't go leaping straight toward the fireplace.

Anyhoo, WD Christmas went off smoothly. Until we got home, that is. My plan was to leave around 7:00ish so that the girls could get a decent night's sleep in their own beds before embarking on what I knew would be another napless day in Gruver. We left on time, and everything was status-quo until we pulled into our driveway. That's when I couldn't find our house keys. "Jody, where did you hide the keys?" He's a notorious ferrett, and usually hides things in goofy places, but it never takes more than a couple of minutes to find them. Well, usually. After much searching, we finally realized that he had accidentally left our house keys inside the house when he made a last minute trip back in the house for his sunglasses. Thankfully, our property management's on-call dude actually returned our call and met us with a spare key (Unfortunately though, this happened after Jody destroyed drivers' licenses from both of us trying to jimmy his way into our house. At least we now know its kinda hard to break in if you're an amateur like us.).

Phase Three - On to Gruver!

The next morning's plan was to leave at the butt-crack of dawn, spend all day in Gruver, and hit the road around the girls' bed time. We left on time, but had to visit three different gas stations on our way out before we could find one that was turned on and working properly. It was a great, albeit short, visit. What cut it short was the late-breaking information that Amarillo got doused in snow during our absence, and the storm was moving toward us in Gruver. And guess who didn't pack enough stuff for overnight? This is where I have to concede, Jody did try and coax me into packing overnight stuff, just in case. But I was so hellbent on leaving out on time that he lost the battle. Yeah, there are times when we should listen to our spouses......

Taylor giving Collins a hug after cracking him in the head with a ball. In hers and my defense, I didn't realize there was a hard plastic part on it until it thwonked him on the head.

Ava borrowing a Santa hat from the bigger kids. Grammy got her a super cute "My First Christmas" hat, but due to the ginormous noggins my kids have inherited from me, it didn't fit :(

Taylor getting her Santa on, while Mary Jo was pretty much "Pshaw-ing" the rest of us off.

Taylor and her tractor that her departed Great-grandpa John got for her. She was so excited about it, we had to really convince her to open the rest of her presents.

Sweetie.....

The annual picture session on Mary Jo's couch. Something about the lighting in this room gives the kids uncorrectable red-eye.

Taylor not only crashed the picture, but decided that Aunt Peggy was in need of a candy cane at the last minute. Well done, Taylor.

So that's it. I'm done with my blogging overload session, and now that I'm past the hump, I promise to get back to regular, short, posts. Merry Crimmas everyone, and thank God its over!

The Hookah Hut

For Taylor's birthday this year, Poppy and Lovie bought her a nifty little play tent that she still likes to drag out from under her bed on occasion. What makes this great is that she has recently decided that Jody is her newest and most favorite playmate. "Daddy! Sit in tent!" And like any good Daddy, Jody always obliges her, no matter how ridiculous her request.

One night last week, our little Munkie had a serious case of gas though. Unfortunately for us, she has inherited her Papa Val's gastric abilities and can run you out of a room in New York minute. So, what's a farty preschooler to do? You guessed it, drag her poor Daddy into a small confined area to "share the love."

The tent is so small there's barely room for Jody in there at all, lol! I had to lift the tent over them after he sat down.

He was a little disheartened at the prospect of entering what he dubbed "The Hookah Hut" considering the smog that was already thick in her room, but he powered thru nicely.

Aaah! Fresh air!

Blah

Yeah, so it's been around 2 weeks since I've posted anything new. My usual excuse is that we're so busy with work and two kids, yadda-yadda. But I've totally sat down several times in the last two weeks with every intention of making a new post, and I keep coming up uninspired. Maybe its the holidays. Everyone close to me knows just how badly I despise this time of year. Not that I hate it because of all the commercialism bullshit (even though I do), but the main thing that irks me about Christmas is how people go completely insane. Totally normal people will fistfight in Wal-Mart over some hellacious trinket, or blow their life savings so that Aunt Margaret in Wisconsin (whom no one has seen in person in over a decade) can have a matching socks and pajama set. Irritates the hell out of me. So instead of a real post, here's some random photos with captions. Enjoy, and I'll be out of my funk soon, I promise.


Even though I loathe Christmas, I'm trying to do the Santa thing every year. If nothing else, it's something fun for the girls to have later. Taylor totally wasn't into it, but that's part of the fun.



Ava is still my happy girl, and loves hanging out in her bouncer.



Taylor shows off her tonsils while eating a sucker. Seriously, this is how she ate almost the whole thing. I guess that's one way to savor it......


What? You don't watch TV with a blanket over your head? Taylor totally does. Note the hobo-toes peeping out.


Seriously, even though this kid drives me to drink some days, she is definitely a cute little stinker. This is another one of those "pony moments," where she was so damn cute, if she'd asked for a pony I totally would have caved.

Five Months

Oh my, where does the time fly off to? Seriously, I remember bringing my little wolf-baby home from the hospital like it was yesterday. And here we are, officially at five months! I'm happy to report that Lil' Bit is weighing in at a healthy 18 lbs. (This info was provided by our pediatrician at an impromptu visit this past Friday for suspected croup. I'm still not 100% sold that she actually had croup, but either way, the steroid shot has cleared up her cough and she is now also able to bench press 45 lbs.) Ava is also getting close to being able to sit up all by herself.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bumble Bee. This sort of counts as sitting, right? In other achievements, Ava is doing great on solids, and I think we've finally found the magic combination levels of solids and formula so that stuff stays down a little better. She is also the master of the "raspberry" aka - "mouth fart" and seems to find that to be the height of self-entertainment.

In the process of Jody and I trying to get a picture of Ava "sitting" in front of the Christmas tree, Taylor was feeling a bit left out. Suddenly in the midst of our photography failings, Taylor popped out with, "Taylor, hold you Ava!" Holy crap. This was a moment not to be passed on, since I've been dying for five long months to get a decent picture of them together. You may remember our failed attempts at this experiment earlier this summer. Both of my kids were crying while my niece Kadey was a total picture taking champ. In case you missed it, here's what I'm talking about.

We also discovered on this day that both of my kids are allergic to the grass in the rich part of town. Hence the crying, pouting, and owie-pointing-out in this photo. Not exactly a Kodak moment.

Anyhoo, after some careful positioning, we actually got a few successful snaps of them together, hooray! And I only had to wait five months to get this. God knows how long it'll take to get another, but that's ok, at least I have a couple for the scrapbook.

Getting into position. Notice that their heads are almost the same size already?

Seriously, how sweet is this? Ignore the TV remote to Taylor's right that totally detracts from the whole atmostphere......

And, we're slipping. Poor Taylor's little arms just aren't up to the task of holding her Butterbean sister for more than 30 seconds. And again, poor Ava looks terrified in the presence of her sister.

Potty Training Gets Comical

I forgot to mention a very funny incident that happened over the holiday weekend. Well, it was funny if you weren't me or Taylor duking it out in a nasty gas station bathroom on the way back from Paris (Texas, not the real one in France). This post does have semi-graphic poo talk, so if that grosses you out, just skip this one altogether.

All day Thursday Taylor kept saying she needed to poop. If you know of our potty training woes, you are already aware that my kid will not poop anymore without a long, sometimes spanning days, production before the actual event. Somewhere down the line pooping started to freak her out and now we're in a daily mini-war. Anyhoo, after multiple, uneventful, trips to the potty at my uncles' house we hit the road back home. Halfway back she starts crying and carrying on that she needs to potty, and I finally think that maybe, just maybe, this is it. Enter the hella nasty gas station bathroom. We have our happy little Dora fold out potty seat to save her little heinie from getting hepatitis and I'm just praying this goes down with at least a turd in the toilet to show for it.

Now, that would be ideal, right? Here's what actually went down. First off Taylor is touching EVERYTHING in sight in that rat-hole, and because I'm trying to unfold the damn potty seat, she's succeeding in thwarting every single one of my attempts to keep her hands free of god knows what all germs truckers have left behind. Once it's unfolded and I prop her up on the pot, she starts fighting. "All done, ALL DONE!" Imagine that line with some kicking and screaming thrown in for funsies. In the midst of this tantrum, the flimsy ass potty seat buckles, nearly dropping her down in the toilet. I make a grab, and in my attempt to right her on the seat manage to get a nice skid all over our potty seat, along with nasty toilet. Fabulous. At this point I'm so frustrated I just said, "Jesus, Taylor. Really?????" To which my child replies (in song) , "Yes, Jesus loooooves me!" Glad that church-based daycare is giving us our money's worth.

After many baby wipes and thorough hand scrubbing, I gave up on the whole thing and said screw it, just please for the love of God, poop in your pullup.

The Thanksgiving Experience With TWO Small Children

So after two and a half years of parenting, holidays are still some of my most dreaded times of the year. No matter how foolproof you think your planning is, you still wind up exhausted and getting caught at least once with your pants down, figuratively speaking. Those of you with small children at home know that its almost impossible to get caught with your pants actually down, because unless you have a full-time nanny on staff, you rarely even have time to pee without some little munchkin following you and banging on the door the whole time, but I digress. Anyhoo, we survived our first holiday as a family of four, and I must say I'm absolutely exhausted. Taylor decided that she wasn't going to sleep or poop the entire time we were gone (which was four loooooong days), and poor Ava has caught what I can only imagine is probably kennel cough from daycare. Actually it's just allergy crud, but kennel cough does bring a pretty realistic description when you consider how crap always gets passed around daycares. Add to that the constant stress of bird-dogging that comes with having a two-year-old (who has all the grace of a bull in a China closet) is let loose in a non-childproof house full of expensive breakables. Seriously though, a big thank you Tim and Thom for hosting a lovely dinner, and even moreso, thank you for making sure there was wine on hand. Not sure my nerves would have made it without that glass of Cabernet!

My children, in their PJ's, in bed. Notice they're NOT sleeping? Yeah, I noticed that too, every night.

Family picture with an active two-year-old. This is why we don't pay money for these......

And then Taylor found Gracie's tennis balls. She kept chucking them across the room saying, "Catch!" In all her genius, Lovie started a pile under the couch. This worked until Taylor found the pile and I had to spend five minutes dragging her out from under the couch.

Look, exhausted people! And where is Taylor?

Oh, running around like a cracked-out blur. Aunt Jenny feeding her mass amounts of whipped cream may have had something to do with this, but I'm not sure.

Oh look! Calm adults having a nice conversation. Notice Dan was the only one out of our group that got to participate. That's ok Dan, next family gathering it's game on - we're letting you wrestle the hellions ;)

Aunt Cathey to the rescue! Thank you again Cathey for helping us with our little Bumble Bee. I definitely needed both hands available to stop Taylor from her various forms of mischief.

Finally we gave up and took her outside. Note that she doesn't have on leggings or a jacket, and it was only about 50 degrees out. Everyone assured me it was warm enough outside that she didn't need either of the aforementioned clothing items, so no one call CPS. And Tim, thank you so much for suggesting the soccer ball. It helped work off some of that sugar, lol!

So as you can see, our few hours with our family was just a tad on the hectic side. So, if we seemed a bit aloof, or just downright didn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense you'll have to forgive me. Sleep deprivation, combined with a lot of time in a minivan, topped with a miniature Tasmanian Devil tends to make me a bit ADD.

They Really Do Grow Up Too Fast

Yesterday during Ava's afternoon nap, I took Taylor outside for a little bit to enjoy the remaining nice weather, and to run off some of that excess toddler energy. As my little terror was flying around the yard, I realized that somewhere when I wasn't looking, Taylor really has changed from a baby into a big kid. The baby fat chub is shedding (how could it stick around, that kid is always in motion), her coordination is growing, and I'm forever impressed with her newfound verbal skills.

Watching her run around kinda gave me that sad feeling because I know we won't be having any more kids (Yes, we are DONE, and yes, we're sure.), and I only get to do this one more time with Ava. It made me understand the people in my life who swore up and down that they were done having kids, only to have a total change of heart a few years later and start the roller coaster again. I get it, but that doesn't mean I'm planning on boarding that crazy train again myself.

Taylor bringing me an offering of rocks. Like Charlie Brown got on Halloween, only cooler because she really thought it was an awesome gift.

My future gymnast. Can't wait to get this kid in some lessons.

Speaking of growing, look who's too big for her britches now. I hate to move to the next size up though, because she has the infamous DeWitt body build. All torso, no legs. After a year, these jeans are finally the right length, but too small everywhere else.

What? You don't use your blankies as fuzzy ascots?

Ava's First Haircut

It's hilarious to me how different my own offspring are from each other, especially physically. Ava's staying pretty steadily ahead of Taylor in regards to how big she was at each milestone, and plus, she's got all that hair. Poor Munkie was bald as hell for most of her first year, and once I was ready to trim off all the scraggly bits around her first birthday, Jody fought me on it because it seemed ungrateful to him to cut off any of that long awaited hair, no matter how mullett-esque it was.

This time however things were totally different. You all remember my little Zoolander baby when she first came out, and as most hair-born babies do, she has rubbed off a lot of what was there along the back and sides of her head. What remained was this horrible strip of long hair along the top that was eerily resemblant of an old man's comb-over, if that old man happened to be Hitler. Yeah, Jody pointed out that our little girl's hair was a little too close for our comfort to the leader of the Third Reich earlier today. That was enough to decide for us both that it was time to even that mess out.

The whole event was rather short-lived (about 5 minutes), and uneventful if you don't count her screaming and crying the whole time. But, that's what I get for deciding to pester her right before her dinner time. When this chick is hungry, its time to eat, and she has no patience for anything else. Anyhoo, I got the scraggly mess evened up for the most part, and she now looks like a little girl again, as opposed to a heinous killer.

That's right, I braved this ordeal and cut her hair myself. Considering it does look a little choppy, I'll probably let Lovie or Grammy do the honors next time.

Note the 1989 rat-tail at the nape of the neck, yeah, that crap's gone now too.

So much happier with her snazzy new 'do. Oh, and the fact that she finally got to eat didn't hurt either.

This and That

When you have two little kids and are rolling on a tight budget, entertainment comes in the most random of places. We haven't been out and about much lately, I blame the cooler weather and just an overall attitude of hermit-ness for our decline in activity. So, as a result of cabin fever, here are some of our random photo-ops from the last week:

Photo #1 - The Diva

This is what you get when you let a two-year-old pick out her own wardrobe. Note the clunky daycare shoes that are labeled over every visible surface guaranteeing that you bring them back. Taylor had had a rather epic accident the day prior to this, and wound up having to borrow some shoes so as not to look like Britney Spears at a gas station. Yes, I know the Britney references are plentiful on this blog, but damn, she's an easy target for a white trash metaphor.

Photo #2 - The Cinderella Game

Taylor is all about wearing our shoes around the house, and this particular evening she decided that I needed to try on hers. And yes, she does wear pants 90% of the time, but by the end of the day when we've been on and off of the potty a bazillion times because she keeps threatening to poop (And that's why she's wearing a pull-up in this one as opposed to underwear. I've gotten tired of cutting off shitty panties and chucking them in the trash. This also explains why I'm not a proponent of cloth diapers in my home. The idea of washing out poo just completely grosses me out.).

Photo #3 - Smiley Mc Smilerson

Seriously, I can't get enough of this gummy little grin. Ava is the happiest little clam I've ever seen. I love love, love this age!

Photo #4 - "The Grimmace"

If you've spent any amount of time around us and our kids, you'll notice that Jody comes up with the craziest, most random nicknames for them. Taylor has been everything from Munkie, to Goose, to Grimmace as of most recently. In this pic, the last one is at least explained. This is the facial expression of a kid who has just discovered those little capsules that turn into foam shapes when dissolved in water. Easiest bath ever. Plus she was more than happy to play with her souvenirs for quite a while after.

Anyhoo, now that you're privy to the hella excitement that's been going on around here, I promise to have some more eventful posts in the coming weeks. Especially with holiday travels and whatnot.