Family Dinner Night Out

I'm writing this post from the Buffalo Wild Wings Parking lot. Meanwhile, my two-year old is pitching a mega fit in her car seat while Jody and Taylor finish eating inside. And unfortunately, I have no one to blame for this but myself.

It was my bright idea to go out to eat tonight. Jody and I rarely splurge on a restaurant due to our own frugal nature, and frankly one can only eat so much Whataburger every Friday before getting tired of it. So, we loaded up the turds, and off we went.

It started out promisingly enough, both kids were loud, but so was everyone else there. Perfect. Then the food came. Jody ordered some sort of nuclear grade waste for his wing sauce, and I had a sensible Buffalo chicken sandwich. The kids were cracked out on lemonade (this is when I curse myself for rarely giving them beverages with sugar) and eating fries. After two wings, Jody declares his mouth thoroughly blistered. Me not being one to waste food, offers to trade the other half of my sandwich for the molten hot death wings. That was the first mistake. 

Fast forward five minutes. I am sweating profusely, I have chugged my Blue Moon in an effort to squelch the mango habanero hell in my mouth (by the way I HATE mango, always have), Ava is climbing over the table trying to reach the knife we took away from her fifteen minutes earlier, Taylor is laying on her back with her feet in the air eating a chicken strip babbling some nonsense about cow poop, and Jody is happily munching the remainder of MY sensible chicken sandwich. 

At this point, Ava decides to attempt knocking over the tower of cups precariously perched above our booth. When I try to dissuade her from this mission she starts shrieking like a banshee engaging battle. I try to get her to sit, Jody reminds me that he TOLD me that this was a bad idea, and all I want is for the inferno in my mouth to stop. 

Fast forward five more minutes, and here we sit. Me and Ava, in the car, waiting for Jody and Taylor to pay out. Ava is pitching a first class fit, the fire in my mouth has calmed, and I'm still really sad about the other half of my damn sandwich. 

Happy Friday folks.

My view from the dashboard

Return of the Mighty Pool

One of my favorite summer purchases is always the inflatable mighty pool. I was finally able to con Jody into letting us have one again this year since I figured out a grass free spot to put it on. So, let the games begin! And don't think I'm not parking myself in there with a cold bevvie tonight after the girls go to bed.

Guess who's back?

So it's not breaking news to anyone else with small children that spare time is something of a myth. If by some miracle you come across it however, odds are that you want to spend it relaxing, sleeping, or just enjoying the silence. Hence, this blog had taken a major backseat. But, I have recently upgraded to a smartphone, which means that I can now blog from other places besides my computer.  Case in point, I'm sitting in my car wrapping up lunch right now. So lets hope I can get back on track, I promise to try, I swear. In the meantime, here are some random pics you've missed.

Little Miss Big Stuff

Lately little Ms. Ava seems to be growing by leaps and bounds.  Every time I turn around she is doing something else that reminds me of the fact that my baby is no longer a baby.  She is becoming quite a little chatterbox, and most of the time, I can actually even understand what she's trying to convey.  

She has also taken an interest in using the potty.  She's only actually peed in it twice, but at least the interest is starting.  

Tonight she also decided to feed herself with a spoon!  

As you can see, she was quite proud of herself for this.

She ate all of her dinner with the spoon, with only minimal assistance from me.  All I did was load up the last few straggling bites for her and she was set to go!

So stay tuned!  Next post she'll probably be doing algebra at this rate, or at least answering those god awful story math problems, lol!

Another Snow Day

This morning I finally caved to Taylor's multiple requests to build a snow man.  So we busted out the Wal Mart sacks and duck tape (only way to make snow boots as far as I'm concerned), and headed out. Now let me first give a disclaimer and an explanation to the homeless look of my kids in these photos.  If there is one thing on this planet I refuse to spend money on, it's giant puffy snow coats that they may get to wear once or twice before outgrowing.  I always hated them as a kid, and It's a major pain in the ass trying to buckle a child into a carseat wearing one of those monstrosities.  That said, we opt for zip up hoodies instead.  Ava is wearing a weather appropriate coat, but that's only because it was a hand me down from her cousin Kadey, and if we really want to be truthful about it, it's too small for her fat little neck.  

"Mom, I can't move my arms!"  Ava is already hating her wardrobe choice.  Taylor is wearing a double layer of my winter clothes over hers.  I mean it when I say I don't buy winter coats.

But who cares!  We look so ridiculous it's cute!

Even Beaster is finally happy, despite the tiny beanie I have stretched over her melon.

Off we go!

I made her change hats.  This one is Jody's and actually covers her ears.  She was not amused.

Trying to get those stumpy little legs to follow after big sister.

Sampling the snow.  I'm afraid of what kind of organic nutrients may have been hiding in there.

Not the surest of footing......

Who cares that it took Mom longer to get us bundled up than it did for us to have our fill of the snow?  Hopefully the hype is over now, and we can stay indoors again like sensible people.

Not the Good Kind of Blizzard That Comes From Dairy Queen

So yeah, in case you live under a rock (or in a nicer climate, in which case, I hate you), you know that Amarillo finally got that blizzard that they've been threatening us with for the last two years.  As usual, I was skeptical.  But this time, lo and behold, Doppler Dave gets to have his reputation reinstated for the week.  Thankfully, I do all of my grocery shopping for the entire week on Fridays, so we were already set to go without having to endure the mayhem at the grocery stores last night.  That being said, I've been under this roof now for 24 hours (Maybe more, hell, I don't remember the last time I left.  It may have been Saturday......) with two kids that are absolutely keyed up due to being stuck indoors.

Here is our patio after Jody dug out a path to the back fence.

The tiny green corner you see is the upper outer edge of Cleo's house (now it's winter camo too).  Don't worry, I dug her out early this morning before it was fully enveloped.  She's chillin' in the garage as we speak.

Just one of the drifts in our back driveway

So, obviously, we're not going anywhere in this mess.  So what have we been up to instead?  Well, because I'm an awesome mom, and I didn't have it in me to totally destroy the house I cleaned yesterday, we did not go playing in the snow.  It just seems like a shitload of effort to get everyone all bundled up and waterproofed when I know they will stay out there for ten minutes, just to track in the snow all over the floor.  Instead, we did make some snow ice cream (baaaaaaaaaad idea).  Just in case they weren't already full of pent up energy, I went and added a heap of sugar to their intake.  Then, we just watched movies all day, broke up fights, and prayed that daycare would be open tomorrow.  In case you're wondering, it's not.  Neither is my work for that matter, so we will be having some more family time yet again tomorrow.

Shampoo horn.  What all the girls are sporting in the snow storm.

Ava was dancing along to her screaming monkey.

The picture is blurry because they have not stopped moving at all today.

See?

God, I love my kids, but once again I'm so thankful to have a job to go to every day.  Once again, this is why I'm not stay-at-home mom material.

What We've Been Up To

I can remember a time when I was horrified if I let a week pass without putting some sort of witty banter or pictures of my hellions on this blog.  What's it been now, a month?  Oh, no?  Well, it felt like a long time to me.  For those of you that live in our day to day, you know that our life is truly a circus.  I could sell tickets to this shit and make a million in less than a week.  Seriously.  Plus, my computer took a temporary nose-dive that I haven't so much gotten fixed, as figured out a workaround.  Anyhoo, I'm here now, and the kids are entertained for a moment.  So here you go.  

So what have we been up to?  Well, just the normal day to day survival that is our life.  Beaster is exploring new hobbies:

They call me buckle-master!

Taylor is still in need of routine exorcism:

As soon as you turn your back I'm coloring ALL OVER this table lady.

Beaster is plotting her future career path:

Paging Dr. Lego......

And both girls managed to clean me out of an entire pound of bacon this morning.  

Greasy goodness....

This is how Beaster keeps her girlish shape.

Other than that, the usual.  "Mom, I'm hungry." "Mom, Ava's hitting me!" "AAAAAARGHHH! (from Beaster)"

"I'm hungry."  Then she proceeded to eat everthing but the seeds and stem.  Guess she wasn't lying.

AAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!

Paying For Your Raising

For those of you that are not members of my family, this post requires a bit of a back story.  When I was little, my two older cousins, Ronnie and Billy would come to visit us out in Timbuktu from time to time.  My mom would always issue a warning, "Be careful!  Those boys play rough, and I don't want you getting hurt!  Just try and stay out of their rough housing."  Now, if you are a member of my family (especially one of the grand-kids like me), Ronnie and Billy were their own legends in the making.  The boys were rough and tumble as kids, and as we grew up, they were the big brothers Marcella and I never had.  They were the first ones to kick our asses (Even if no real reason was given.  I recall Billy scaring the crap out of me once by threatening to stick my head in the ceiling fan.), but they were also the first ones to be our champions if ever the going got tough.  Bottom line is, they were rowdy, but sweet kids.  

Fast forward 15 years to my life now.  My step-brother Jered has always maintained that Taylor will have no trouble with the boys in her teen years, because she's got the linebacker "I'll kick your ass" mentality.  He's actually holding out hope that she will come to her cousin Kadey's aid if ever it's needed.  I bought into this until the last week or two.   Suddenly, my little linebacker has been bumped to second string.  There's yet another reason that Ava has earned the title "Beaster."

Sure, they play great together, and there's some of that sisterly love everyone keeps talking about amongst siblings.  But last week, Taylor did a simple turdly act toward her sister (stole her toy), and I had to pull a rabid Beaster away as she was holding Taylor by the hair and whacking her over the head with her fists.  I wish this was an isolated incident.  Suddenly, Ava has found her strong-arm, and she's damn sure not afraid to use it.  Don't get me wrong, she's still a sweet baby/kid, but she has the shit-head streak, and it runs strong.

Bwahahaha!  You can build a "hideout" all you want, and I will still destroy it and kick your ass!

Yeah, Taylor tried like hell to keep her out, but to no avail.  In between pictures I was playing bouncer trying to keep the hitting and crying to a minimum.

So, what in the hell does all of this have to do with my cousins that I mentioned earlier?  A ton.  I've told a lot of my relatives in recent months that somehow, I managed to give birth to Ronnie and Billy, only in female form.  They roll in, tumble around, and beat the crap out of anything in their paths.  Plus, we always joked that Billy's weight never changed from age 3 to 16, he just got taller.  I'm pretty sure that's going to be Ava too.  

See what I'm up against?

Victory is MINE!!!!

As Taylor rolls herself away......

At least I have a bit of insight as to the outcome of these two rowdy turds.  Their predecessors turned out to be kind, grown-up men, with only a slight flair for turd-like tendencies.....

Inappropriate Childrens' Language

Taylor has decided in the last two days to push every verbal boundary a three year old can push.  First she told me, "Don't talk to me!  I'm not talking to you, don't talk to me!"  Then she told Jody in the midst of wrestlemania, "I'm gonna kill you!"  And she didn't say it in a jovial, joking manner.  It was a little too serious for my taste.  Five minutes for being called out for that little outburst, I overheard her (as she was sitting on the toilet) saying, "This is stupid, I don't need this shit."  Wow.  So, the threats of washing out her mouth with soap have been made, along with the sit-down talk of why it's not acceptable for little girls to talk that way.  Along with that, Jody and I have made a whole hearted effort to really clean up our own speech, especially when we think little ears aren't listening, because apparently they're getting it from somewhere, and you all know I'm a bit fond of using colorful language now and then.

Fast forward to tonight.  After bath time, the usual wrestlemania with Jody begins.  Now, a little bit of backstory first.  Last week Jody introduced Taylor to the art of thumping.  Again, not something I was very happy about, but once I realized what was going on, the impression had been made.  So, every now and then, at random, Taylor will tell Jody, "I'm gonna SHOCK you!"  Somehow the word "thump" translated to "shock" in her little head, and there it has stayed.  Despite several attempts at correction on our part.  So tonight, she tells Jody she's gonna "shock" him again and made this hand gesture:

Umm, yeah.  For those of you not 100%, she was making "the shocker."

Here's an old acquaintance of ours making it more clearly:

For those not in the know, this is a horribly lewd hand gesture, on which I'm not going to educate you.  Feel free to look it up on Urban Dictionary if you're curious.

And again, with more ferocity, still claiming she's gonna "shock" Jody.......  Yeah.

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year for my birthday, my beloved mother sent me a little stash o' cash with the explicit instructions, "Buy yourself a nice purse for god's sake."  I think she may have been a bit exasperated by my request to hit up Sam Moon on Black Friday (hey, it's decent enough for the price), coupled with my shitty Sam Moon wallet from two years ago that was being held together with Duck Tape.  

Now, some of you may remember my last nice purse, Sophia, that I carried religiously for years.  She was a rainbow Dooney and Bourke that I only discarded because frankly, I was tired of carrying around the same old bag (no offense Sophia) for so damn long.  But hey, if I'm going to spend the money on a damn purse, it's going to get used. 

So the years passed by, and despite my intent to get a new "nice purse" again, it just continually fell by the wayside as kids, bills, responsibility etc. mounted up.  So I've been lugging around the same shit-tastic Kohl's $10 special since Ava was born.  And I won't even mention my wallet......  But alas, it is a new year, and my beloved Mama decided it was time for me to upgrade :)  And thanks to my sister in law, I even got a new wallet for Christmas that's not held together with any sort of industrial strength adhesive.  

...And after days (which felt like years) of stalking the UPS tracking site, Sophia the Second finally arrived tonight!

Ta-da!  Ignore the bad lighting, I used my phone for the pic.  She is actually a bright mustard, and my walls are beige, promise.

Jody has already threatened me not to even attempt bringing her to bed with us tonight.  Fuddy-dud.  Seriously, I feel like a kid at Christmas, I just have that ecstatic giddyness that can only come from a fabulous handbag.  Again, Jody totally doesn't get it.  Maybe I need to remind him of the countless hours he spent in the garage after getting his new air compressor......